Thirteen is the lucky number when the group
creates clothes for 13 women.
So, KCar’s got the croup-worms or something, which means your old Uncle T is gonna bring you the sweet, sweet nectar of update goodness.
We get to see the dorm goodness of the living quarters again, which always makes me sure it smells like flop sweat and feet in there. As everyone recounts how hard last week was, Epperson eats a bowl of X-tra Camera Time Flakes (Now with raisins!), which should have clued everyone in on how much more we would see of him this time. Soon, it’s out the door to the runway.
Heidi says hello in an animal print that does something for her...and for me. She tells the designers they have to make 13 women happy (which I believe is somewhere near DS’s record for an evening). Everyone panics! Is it Eskimos? Is it Bridezillas? Is it the mothers of the contestants from last season? No…it’s their models! See 13 designers…13 women…the math not the designers’ strong point I guess. Tim Gunn let’s them know the challenge is: create an eye catching look in conjunction with your model and send it down the runway. Tim says the word “caucus” and Twitter suddenly lights up with delight. Hell, I’d be delighted if he told me I had cancer ‘cause he’s just so nice!
“Yeah, yeah, cancer…but Tim Gunn talked to me! He’s so nice!”
The models toss around descriptions like “sexy, but classically modern with a punk flair and the beard of a goat.” The designers diligently sketch out whatever the hell they want, knowing damn well the models will just go with it because they don’t know any better, then it’s off to Mood.
The usual drama ensues at Mood: “what do I want? 5 minutes! This lion pelt is fierce! I’ll get it and some lace and it’ll be wonderful.”
Back at design headquarters, Tim surveys the scene:
- Epperson should be Epperson
- Qyristyyl’s looks like a couple jersey bags with the bottoms cut out and thrown over a dummy—maybe start over
- Look…a green…thing…
- It’s Smurf Blue, dude…
Tim leaves, as anyone sensible would.
Epperson suddenly chews up the scenery on camera in the most touching padding the producers could come up with to drag the show out to the required length. Seriously, he cries into the phone like a 7 year-old at fat camp on celery night, then encourages his family to make out with each other. He then has to let us know that celebrities ask him to design for them. Apparently he brings his extended family to those meetings so he doesn’t break down in hysterics.
After some shots of some progress, Lifetime breaks in
- begs us to watch Drop Dead Diva, then gives us every reason not to. Rosie? Really? Guh.
- Milla Jojovich comes on in red lipstick and makes me have to look for pictures of her in the Internet.
- Tyler Perry? Really? Where’s Milla…
Back to the show!
Tim gives Garnier, Royal Paris, and Macy’s their paid plugs.
Measuring the mood: Logan wears shiny silver pants and shoes hoping to distract from the crap he made; Qwristillyll is boring about being boring; Carol Hanna is confident, which I guess is default for her; Nicolas hates everyone; Epperson likes himself, the camera, and his dress—which looks like it has dreds.
Time to go! Fabulous Show! But first:
- Andie McDowell hates wrinkles, but seems to have them anyway
- Fame…no one asked for it, but they remade it
- Dawn…you can wash oily birds with it
- Joan Allen stars in “I Paint Flowers That are Vagina-like”
Heidi says hello…mmm…Heidi…mmmm…
Oh…anyway…she introduces the judges—who are not the regular ones!
Red on red? Marc…you’re no Judge.
You gave a prize and you got to judge…shocker.
GAH! KILL IT WITH FIRE!!!!
We avert our eyes from Jennifer and let the runway fill our soul.
Our six left standing to expose their souls to the sweet salve or the acid rain of the judges:
Carol Hanna’s look called: beautifully executed; sophisticated; hard, soft, and edgy
Logan’s look: prom; tacky; yikes!
Epperson’s look: job well done; love the new twist on a fitted dress; Heidi says she’s been with Vicky’s Secret too long because she thinks the model needs boobs perky and in place
Johnny’s look: The purse was the most interesting thing about it; bridesmaid; “wearable” (which is apparently insulting)
Q’rist’al’s look: aged the model 10-15 years; not youthful; why plain black?
Althea’s look: chic; simple, well done; want it now; everyone wants to take the jacket
AND OUR WINNER…
Althea! And her deep v-neck tank, which made me a winner, too!
Her look was…let’s be honest, it’s bizarre and gave me a WTF moment when they announced it, though not like last week’s turd.
Congrats to JE, who hangs on and can’t be eliminated next week!
LOSER?
Quwristall, who was kinda crap 2 weeks in a row. She didn’t up her game from last week and so she and her Qwestionable spelling are gone.
Condolences to KCoo, who now will only watch for Tim Gunn now like the rest of us on the outside.
Scores to be updated over the weekend, assuming I don’t get worms, too. I’ll just drink during the big game; alcohol kills worms right?
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